This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
