Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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