i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
