He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
PANTIES FOUND
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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