Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
