He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
