Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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