Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
