mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
that is very illegal...i love you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize