conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
