There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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