im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize