Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sex in a hospital.. check
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
