YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
