ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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