are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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