her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
