I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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