I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
