i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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