and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
