i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
