quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
