in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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