Princesses don't give blow jobs
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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