we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
