I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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