He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
