I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
