you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
