I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
