i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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