Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
