Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
