David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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