She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
