um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish you could order shots online.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
