Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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