the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
