is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
