So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize