I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
