u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
