I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
