I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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