so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
