I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
someone owes me an orgasm
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
