Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
