he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
