Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she looked like the before picture.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
