there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
