Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
