In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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