dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was before I lit my hair on fire
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
