Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
