Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize