I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
