I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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