U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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