I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
