shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
