Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
