they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
