No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
