dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
