Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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