I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize