My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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